same old rants

Last week was a crazy week. I had barely a weekend because I started working on Sunday. Apart from a two-day “raket” I also worked the entire week to prepare for a major workshop which we hosted Friday. Outside office hours me and my friends are cooking up a business endeavor that will hopefully be operational come mid-Feb. While the weekend was somehow relaxing because we went swimming, I probably went too far celebrating on Saturday night and had the worst hangover come Sunday morning. Today, I could not go to work because I was very nauseous. Unfortunately, I have deadlines to meet so I would likely be up until 2 or 3 so I could beat them.

Forgive me for my ranting, but I very much dislike working more than 3 days a week. I consider it unhealthy for a mother and her growing children to be trapped in such a situation. First because I get tired physically, more from the long commute than from the work, that I’m practically dead when I get home. Although the exhaustion I can handle and can easily make up for with just a few hours of sleep. What I dislike the most is having to spend too much of my time and energy away from my children.

A lot of times I ask myself if this is really the way things are going to be. Spending most of my time with people I work with (and often don’t even like) because I have to make a living. That I have to make a living in order to provide for my family, for my kids. And that I choose to support my family because they are important to me. The greatest irony is that, if they’re that important, why do I only get to spend fleeting moments with them?

To answer my oft-repeated question, this just might be the way things are going to be. Unless we have the resources, the skill and the balls to get out of this booby trap called “occupation.” For the most part, I have no choice but to try and convince myself that at least I’m lucky enough to actually like what I do for a living, while other people get caught in jobs that do not even interest them.

At this point, I’m pooling my resources and working on getting some more balls so I could break away from the booby trap and live my life the way I want it.


4 thoughts on “same old rants

  1. same sentiments. and unfortunately for me, i don’t really like what i do now.

    you know where i work. despite the good company VMG, my frustration comes from not being able to work with the microentrepreneurs themselves. as a wholesaler, we almost function like a bank. yeah, we talk about helping the poor blah-blah-blah… but at the end of the day, management and BOD only focus on the financials.

    since i was moved from fund-sourcing to corporate planning, the seeming hypocrisy or shallowness just became so obvious to me. i realized now that i want to get out. but i cannot find the guts to just transfer to an NGO and give up the perks of being a regular employee. i’m afraid to be labeled as selfish, prioritizing my work satisfaction over my family’s economic well-being.

    it’s such a tricky situation. but i hope we break free of the trap.

    (pasensya na ha… mahaba) 🙂

  2. Sorry to hear about your predicament. And your friend, tintinten, also. But it’s okay to rant. It’s like therapy, yes? Been reading your blog for a while. You’re a good person, and it shows in your writing. Hang in there.

    1. Thanks, Jeng. It helps sometimes to just let things out so we can function normally. This blog’s been doing that for me for the last 6 months. But apart from being an outlet for my frequent sharing and occasional rants, I’ve been learning while I write, while I try to remember what happened to me within the day, or while I think about the stories that may be worth telling. Thanks a lot for reading!

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